Political Shocker Leads Blogger to Wild Speculation

while bearing in mind that there is actually NO journalistic integrity to what I am about to thoughtlessly, tastelessly publish on the internet....

I would like to speculate on - what else - possible reasons for Gov. Sarah Palin's (R) rapid departure from the wild world of Alaskan politics.

MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell is reporting that sources close to the governor say she is out of politics, local or national for good. Her own rambling speech paterns should have decided that by now. It has also been widely reported that an 'iceberg scandal' is about to break, rendering Gov. Palin legally and pysically unable to effectively govern. NBC's Anne Curry tweeted "Gov. Palin: "This is in Alaska's best interest, my family's happy... it is good, stay tuned.."

Oh....we will....

Top ten reasons Palin may be stepping down:

10. After years of railing on about faith and family values, Gov. Palin has broken the vows of her marriage to first dude Todd with Fox New's own Greta Van Sustern. The obviously smitten anchor met Gov. Palin last year in her home for the first time when she followed the politician on her program. Van Sustern did everything but suck her dick right on air.

9. Gov. Palin was caught poaching the quickly declining King Salmon in the river outside her home. She was photographed by a reputable news agency ripping the fish from the stream with her teeth. Impressive as it was, it was still against the laws and policies of Alaska's fish and game.

8. Bristol and famed funny-man David Letterman are expecting a love child. This news comes on the heels of Gov. Palin's crucifixion of Letterman last month- not exactly a great welcome to the family, and one that will take significant adjustment.

7. Gov. Palin stubbed her big toe, and is now unsure of her ability to take Pres. Obama in a marathon as she claimed she would be last month.

6. In response to Gov. Palin's same-sex infidelity, Todd Palin has pledged his devotion to former Sen. Larry Craig (R) and now both have written of their intentions to go to Washington and lobby for same-sex marriage and equality rights. There is speculation that Dark Lord Cheney will be along as an advisor.

5. It was finally explained in short, simple phrases to Gov. Palin that the russian orthodox church near her home was not a part of Russia. Devastated, she acknowledged that she had no international political experience and was an unfit leader.

4. After month's of trashing the press for being mouthpieces for the left and wrecking her vice-presidential chances, she was over-heard on microphone after a press conference admitting the liberal press were her best friends, and the ones 'keeping her star shining.'

3. While it has been apparent for some time now that Gov. Palin is in no way an advocate for women's rights, the extremity of her views was not known until now. It appears a story will break detailing her relationship with cancer, and her vicious co-attempt to take down Justice Ginsberg, thusly eradicating all women from decision making posts on the court.

2. While passing through an airport, the controversial new full body imaging X-ray machines being tested by the TSA revealed what many have suspected all along- Sarah Palin is a man- and she's got the coin purse to prove it.

And the no. 1 reason for Palin's sudden departure from the national political scene is...

1. While Gov. Palin still has a fully functional human body, her brain was surgically removed and replaced with a robotic one controlled by Jerry Falwall. While the robotic brain did prove to be better than the original, and has been credited with much of Gov. Palin's success, it was responsible for erratic speech patterns and annoying folksy catch phrases that she often repeated incessantly in glitch phases. The robotic part was said to be going more and more haywire, and it was the decision of Mr. Falwell to come clean before the Gov. and her robotic brain became responsible for deploying the Alaska National Guard to do battle against the enemies of God. Sources say he would have allowed this to happen but became suddenly afraid that he would be targetted.

A little philosophy on a Tues. night

So remember that blog post I had where I wasn't sure about things...but then I was? This is kindof a follow up...

We all make decisions in our lives. I have this weird tendancy to make many life-changing ones very rapidly. I figure if drastically changing my hair doesn't shake my life up enough, its time to go to extremes. I never thought I would say this, because by nature, I am no wilting flower, but I think in many cases I have been too passive in my life to this point, and given people more control than they were warranted.

Today I was driving home and I saw (or rather heard) a couple fighting...well really the girl (could not have been more than 19) was getting yelled at. Sworn at. Violently berated. There were tons of people around the lot, so I pulled up and nicely said that he should think about cooling it. I seriously could not stand this guy, and he got under my skin...swore at me, and rushed my car window. The girls response- "Don't talk to strangers like that." No honey...don't talk to anyone like that. I offered her a ride somewhere and she declined...I wish she had not because I'm sure she will get hit. To that girl...I am sorry-I hope you find wisdom and get the hell out of there. There was another man who watched them as they walked after I had to leave. To the man- other people are watching your behavior, and if your gf wont call the cops on you, someone else will. The point is, I dont think I would have even tried to do anything before, and that is such crap.

Here I have learned some new kind of aggression. I got hired for a job with it, I have made a lot of new friends with it...It is working for me. Stella got her groove back...

Meanwhile, my calves are killin' me, I'm learning to sleep with the sun up, and I am being healthier than I have been in a long time. Here's some new pics...

Sunset over our balcony

Lake Eklutna...the greens are incredible...

Seward, AK- My day as a very touristy tourist....

It might be 5 am...but Im goofy excited....

Ok so I am not generally one to be like a total fanny-pack and camera tourist, but when it has to be done, it has to be done. Mo and I hauled our cookies down to Seward on a whim and hopped the day cruiser Aialik, with Captain Bob, a delightful old man and his not altogether unattractive crew...there were only 18 people on board including crew, so that was kinda cool.

Me and Mo onboard the Aialik

The weather patterns here are non-existant I have gathered. It was supposed to be overcast with a high in the high fifties, but it was an absolutely bluebird day instead, and I was very happily perched on the hull of the boat at 25 knots with just a sweatshirt...which is good...because I planned on packing my leather bomber...but apparently it stayed in MI. I will come to regret that at some point...

Anyway, the trip was amazing, barring the 45 minute wait for constuction on AK1..the drive there and back was stunning. We saw a very small speck of a bear, goats, sheep, orcas, humpbacks, puffins, seals, arctic terns, sea lions, cormorants, eagles (bald and golden) and I finally got my damned moose on camera! Take that Alaska! I think we also decided to rent a hitch and a pop-up and do the next leg as weirdo tourists in Denali...yes...It will happen. Or maybe we will hotel it...we'll see.

But here is a quick highlight reel of the day...

Everything is so delightfully low-budg here...

As Gov. Palin justifies her veto of more than 26 mil clams aimed at an energy efficient infrastructure, and I read comments about people bagging about their tax dollars being mis-allocated...I realize a cultural anomaly up here...passable is ok here...if it works, it works; even if it is mediocre. They really don't pay much in the way of taxes at all...no sales tax, no state income tax...and though the cost of living is a little higher, most people get by on less.

This leads me to the fab commercials here. People do not pay for advertising...or rather they pay for the time slot and then stick some home video schlock in there and expect it to sell...and it does.

Let me tell you- media producers not from here would be well out of their element. They woud make some well-written, nicely shot commercial, stick it on the TV, and then no one would respond because it was too well done, and is therefore for snobs, and automatically too pricey. I am not sure if this is something I find to be nice, or something I find to be horribly irritating.

I must say I love the old man from the Mattress Ranch commercials.



There are several others...all of them equally fantastic...and rediculous...

But the point is, this is something that I find to be somewhat bizzare. Grand Rapids is by no means a huge market, but it is not small either. I think the quality is pretty consistant with other media markets I am familiar with- Milwaukee, Chicago, South Bend- they all have fairly good production quality. We are not too far beyond forcasts with magneted partly cloudy slap-ons.

I don't say this to be bitchy at all...after all, does the average person get something different from a doppler image in real time than they get from magnets on an alaska-shaped white board? I don't really understand the weather patters here to get a radar image anyway...at home I do...so I see a big difference from newscast to newscast. The wider question, however, is how much added benefit do we get from spending more on fancy commercials and news production. I mean...are we paying so much more in overhead to pay for ads that its not really worth it? Clearly in Alaska the answer is yes. At home I am not so sure...I do like shiny things...but I am also kinda cheap...like a dutchman...you learn it up there in Dutchville...Maybe we are all just buying in to some cultural projection that doesn't or shouldn't exist.

WTF

Today I saw a moose on Elmendorf AFB and didn't have my camera. That is all.

Mixed feelings are gone...

In my life to this point, uncertainty in myself has not been a problem for me. I had 5 minutes of uncertainty when I chose a college, maybe a minute and a half while deciding to break up with someone over their parents, and like, .2 seconds when I was buying my first car. In this regard, this moving 4,000 miles away business was the most uncertain I have been about anything ever. Days and days of uncertainty- hard to deal with when you are so unacustomed to the feeling... I know that it was the right choice though- I had to get away from there- I just wasn't ready to emotionally accept it. Now I am- and I have. Good riddance- see you when and IF I am ready to come back. Uncertainty, thou art banished from my life forever.

Meanwhile, Alaska is quite lovely. I have never lived near mountains, or even really been near mountains this large. Oooohh! Ooooh! For the first time on this blog...photo courtesy of me!

Flew in last night at like...11:30 and Mo picked me up. I knew it was going to be light still, but actually experiencing it was a little bit strange. Flying in near sunset over the mountains was just beautiful because everything reflects the shades in the sunset.

I could not sleep on the plane because I was looking out the window the entire time. We flew right over Glacier N.P. in NW Montana, too...lovely as well. Tragically the Colorado Rockies were obscured by clouds, but no matter.

During that part of the trip I read a very interesting graphic novel, which is not typically a format I enjoy, but this was an exception. The Photographer is a true story about the man who had the nerve to follow the first medecins sans frontiers (Dr.s w.o Borders) into Afghanistan during the 1986 war with Russia, and definitely into harms way...good book- pick it up, enjoy.

Today Mo and I took a little walk down by the coast and up the trails into downtown. There are a lot of magpies here...and cormorants... who have a somewhat unpleasant call. More on that later.

4 More Days...Please Recommend Plane Literature...

As I sit here in my office for the first of 3 12-hour shifts this week...I have decided that I really cannot wait to get the hell out of here. No amount of re-organizing that I can do can make this place look good, and the staff keeps screwing up and getting pissy with eachother..and you know what? I don't really get paid enough to deal with it. So I'm taking the summer off. How nice for me.

That does not really mean that I am not having mixed feelings about leaving still. I love my job most days. I love my co-workers...most days. I hate that sometimes my job overlaps with other departments that I may not want to see for personal reasons...but that is beside the point.

Basically because of a slew of very strange circumstances, I find myself, for better or worse, with absolutely no responsibilities to anyone other than myself. So why not go to Alaska. Actually on some strange level I feel like everyone is doing it. It's the new trendy locale for college grads hoping to avoid responsibility for just a few more months...and get really nice crispy tans. I am hoping I can get a really nice crispy tan. Kinda like this....

Ok maybe not this extreme...but I am looking at the average UV Index for the area..and it's definitely tannable. Now for the weather up there...

Dear Alaska-

Do you think that you could consider getting into the 60's up there next week? I am thinking it would be a very nice welcome for me. OKTHNXBUHBYE.

Mags

I say this after my mom warned me that my Dr. warned me that I have some pre-cancerous spots on my face..or rather just one...but who cares- thats what sun block is for...and there is UV protection in my makeup...that I never wear...I'll buy some sunblock. Some day skin cancer scars will probably be some huge fad and if you are over 20 and havn't had a suspicious mole-ectomy, you will be clearly uncool...

I am told by a fellow tweep that Alaskan Amber is something to be admired, so I am getting pretty excited about the beer scene up there too. That's all for now...if you stumble upon this posting I'm taking suggestions for excellent plane reading...I don't do sappy..so please no jodi picoult or teusday's with maurie guy...blegh...no thanks. I'll pass on Into the Wild too...