while bearing in mind that there is actually NO journalistic integrity to what I am about to thoughtlessly, tastelessly publish on the internet....
I would like to speculate on - what else - possible reasons for Gov. Sarah Palin's (R) rapid departure from the wild world of Alaskan politics.
MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell is reporting that sources close to the governor say she is out of politics, local or national for good. Her own rambling speech paterns should have decided that by now. It has also been widely reported that an 'iceberg scandal' is about to break, rendering Gov. Palin legally and pysically unable to effectively govern. NBC's Anne Curry tweeted "Gov. Palin: "This is in Alaska's best interest, my family's happy... it is good, stay tuned.."
Oh....we will....
Top ten reasons Palin may be stepping down:
10. After years of railing on about faith and family values, Gov. Palin has broken the vows of her marriage to first dude Todd with Fox New's own Greta Van Sustern. The obviously smitten anchor met Gov. Palin last year in her home for the first time when she followed the politician on her program. Van Sustern did everything but suck her dick right on air.
9. Gov. Palin was caught poaching the quickly declining King Salmon in the river outside her home. She was photographed by a reputable news agency ripping the fish from the stream with her teeth. Impressive as it was, it was still against the laws and policies of Alaska's fish and game.
8. Bristol and famed funny-man David Letterman are expecting a love child. This news comes on the heels of Gov. Palin's crucifixion of Letterman last month- not exactly a great welcome to the family, and one that will take significant adjustment.
7. Gov. Palin stubbed her big toe, and is now unsure of her ability to take Pres. Obama in a marathon as she claimed she would be last month.
6. In response to Gov. Palin's same-sex infidelity, Todd Palin has pledged his devotion to former Sen. Larry Craig (R) and now both have written of their intentions to go to Washington and lobby for same-sex marriage and equality rights. There is speculation that Dark Lord Cheney will be along as an advisor.
5. It was finally explained in short, simple phrases to Gov. Palin that the russian orthodox church near her home was not a part of Russia. Devastated, she acknowledged that she had no international political experience and was an unfit leader.
4. After month's of trashing the press for being mouthpieces for the left and wrecking her vice-presidential chances, she was over-heard on microphone after a press conference admitting the liberal press were her best friends, and the ones 'keeping her star shining.'
3. While it has been apparent for some time now that Gov. Palin is in no way an advocate for women's rights, the extremity of her views was not known until now. It appears a story will break detailing her relationship with cancer, and her vicious co-attempt to take down Justice Ginsberg, thusly eradicating all women from decision making posts on the court.
2. While passing through an airport, the controversial new full body imaging X-ray machines being tested by the TSA revealed what many have suspected all along- Sarah Palin is a man- and she's got the coin purse to prove it.
And the no. 1 reason for Palin's sudden departure from the national political scene is...
1. While Gov. Palin still has a fully functional human body, her brain was surgically removed and replaced with a robotic one controlled by Jerry Falwall. While the robotic brain did prove to be better than the original, and has been credited with much of Gov. Palin's success, it was responsible for erratic speech patterns and annoying folksy catch phrases that she often repeated incessantly in glitch phases. The robotic part was said to be going more and more haywire, and it was the decision of Mr. Falwell to come clean before the Gov. and her robotic brain became responsible for deploying the Alaska National Guard to do battle against the enemies of God. Sources say he would have allowed this to happen but became suddenly afraid that he would be targetted.
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